Monday, 27 January 2020
A draw would do. England, fresh from going 2-1 up in PE, came to Jo'Burg to clinch the Basil D'Oliveira Trophy. The scene of Allan Donald tearing in and us being 2-4 brings shivers to the spines of every Englishman who remembers the famous Bull Ring - and we're not talking about where Chris Woakes does his shopping near New Street. The Wanderers isn't the team who plays up the road from his house, in Old Gold and Black either. A quick wicket beckoned but in Wood and Archer, we have the ability to fight fire with fire these days. This is a review of the Fourth Test from Johannesburg...
Monday, 20 January 2020
Many an Englishmen has come across a cape. Many have had the Horn, some remember watching Geoff on the World's Strongest Man, but it was to the Eastern Cape that they ventured on their pilgrimage, to the city of Port Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth may have lost a ginger member of her family from his national duties this week but if England lost Ben Stokes, our ginger talisman, then the country would really have something to worry about. Never mind the Duke of Sussex, our Duke of Cumberland can keep his HRH (Hits Reasonably Hard). With England grabbing their Edward Woodward (the Equaliser) at Cape Town, the series was beautifully poised as they ventured to the Windy City. Would the flag of St. Geroge fly proudly at St. George's Park? Who would go 2-1 up? Or would it be a draw on what is traditionally a flat deck? This is a review of the Test...
|St George's Park, PE|
Tuesday, 7 January 2020
1957. The year of the birth of the cricketing God, David Gower. All things revolve around this date - Bradman's 48 Aussies are now 9BDG and in 63ADG, England won their first Test since the year that our left handed God was born. This was an absolute cracker in Cape Town. The run up to the Test had been all about whether these five day matches should be reduced to four. Jos Buttler had been vocal about it. All I can say is thank Gower, this wasn't. It was a splendid advert for the game and proves that you shouldn't mess around with Mother Cricket. It will bite the administrators on the arse if they mess with the essence of the sport.
|Newlands...one of THE venues of world cricket|
Sunday, 5 January 2020
Every year we do this, normally on New Year's Day. Unfortunately two bottles of a rather drinkable Chilean Malbec got the better of me, so it is a few days late. We look at the youngsters who are about to break onto the scene. Sometimes we get it spectacularly right and look like heroes. Very occasionally. Here we look at those who have caught out eye in 2019 and they are our ones to watch in 2020...Read on. Oh and have a wonderful New Year, Stump fans.
|Rishi Patel... a star in the East|
Sunday, 29 December 2019
So England travelled across the southern hemisphere and kicked off their Test series versus the Saffas in Centurion. I don't know about you but whenever I hear the name of this ground, located between Johannesburg and Pretoria, I think of Michael Palin as Pontius Pilate in the Life of Brian? With England having a flu bug running through the camp we wondered if it would be more Incontinentia Buttocks or would someone stand up and be our Biggus Dickus? Sadly, it was the former. England were crucified in Centurion, where the Springbok outran the Lion. This is a review of the Test...
Thursday, 5 December 2019
Monday, 25 November 2019
A new venue for World cricket, a new opener, a new coach…the same old shit. England arrived in New Zealand to headlines dominated by Prince Andrew. Within a few days we had seen this game dominated by a slow, lingering BJ before ending with a disappointing Root. This was the first game for the new reign of Chris Silverwood. Silvers v the Silver Ferns. This Test was played on a docile pitch – located in the Bay of Plenty of runs. It was the start of an overseas series in New Zealand. This is the review of the First Test from Mount Maunganui…
|Bay of Plenty (of cheap gags about Prince Andrew)|
Sunday, 10 November 2019
"There's no mistake, I smell that smell, it's that time of year again" sang the Stereophonics but around the time that the clocks go back in the cricketing world, the smell of the movement of players, permeates the shires. This week Dawid Malan swapped Hampton for Headingley and went to Yorkshire, whilst Reece Topley turned down the advances of Sussex and hopped it up the A23 to the Oval. Whilst both counties have expressed their good wishes to the player, it has left such a sour taste in the mouths of some fans on social media, that even Monica Lewinsky would balk at it. So is it time to start bringing in transfer fees into cricket to protect the counties?
Monday, 9 September 2019
“Oh Manchester, so much to answer for” lamented the Smiths back in 1984 but it was a couple of other Smiths who grabbed the headlines during this absorbing contest at Old Trafford. Steven for Australia scored a double hundred, Ed for England, picked the same batting line up. This was where England lost the Ashes in Manchester but the reality is that they were lost from the moment that England persisted with a side, that was as fragile as the cotton that gave this city its Victorian wealth. It was a selection that showed myopia, that culminated in this loss down the road from Longsight. Our Prime Minister had less of a humbling defeat in the Commons this week. This is the review of those bloody Australians beating us again…
Tuesday, 3 September 2019
On the eve of the Old Trafford test match, England are expected to announce a change in positions to their top order but with the same players who have struggled this summer. Ed Smith must feel like a croupier as he shuffles the pack yet again, in order to accommodate those he has selected recently. But are England papering over the cracks? Is the reshuffle the right way to go? Is the selection totally wrong? After all we were only a bit of Ben Stokes magic away from the Aussies retaining the Ashes. We were only a Nathan Lyon misfield from having more inquests than Quincy.