Thursday, 21 June 2012

The Middle Stump guide to DRS (Dodgy Rugs and Syrups)

As possibly the worst hair weave in the history of man, nodded in the winner to send England through to a clash with a nation full of men, who are very proud of their flowing locks, it occurred to me how modern day cricketers are also very fond of artificially aided manes, says Middle Stump guest blogger Thorpster.

Warne...maiden overs to makeovers in order to get a legover!

To giggles and smirks across the nation, mainly by those of us that are follically challenged ourselves, we have witnessed the development of the advanced hair studio generation.

The first I can remember was the Aussie spinner and lower order bosher, Greg Matthews. For one who even as a young lad was likened to Ray Reardon, for my hairline not snooker skills, I stood aghast.

But he has been followed not just by anyone but by two of Englands former captains and greatest opening batsman in Graham Gooch and Michael Vaughan. They in turn have been followed by a couple of Aussies. Possibly the greatest ever to don the whites, the one and only Shane Warne as well as the slightly less well known, but aptly named Doug "The Rug" Bollinger. An Aussie work colleague of mine described Warnies hair transplants and implants as quite simply "unAustralian", which is apparently about as bad as an insult as you can get over there.

Doug shows off the rug

Warnie, the previously infamous larrakin has gone from sporting an equally infamous spare tyre and highlighted mullet, to becoming the poster boy for the aforementioned advanced hair studio. In fact he has gone full circle from bowling maiden overs to having makeovers, in order to get his leg over. Quite simply he has gone girlie for Hurley. No more Vernon Kaye or Ashley Cole-esque late night texting to some young nurse for our Shane, instead its a night in with the latest hair weave and face creams.

But when will it all end? Will centrally contracted players have a performance related bonus of a session at advanced hair studios written into their contracts, like an Arsenal player being rewarded for a top season with an automatic move to Manchester City?

What was wrong with captain combover look of yesteryear so beautifully sported by "Deadly" Derek Underwood, Tony "We'll make em grovel" Greig? Or the Kojak look sported by Brian Close, Darren Lehman or Matt Prior, also famously utilised by the well known pundit Mike "Lord of Lords" Selvey?

Image Detail
Close would never wear a syrup

Still things could be worse. They could all be trying to look like Andy Carroll!

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