Team sports come in all shapes, sizes and types. Some of my ex team mates would say so did the women whose attention I attracted in my younger days! As someone who has played many sports to a varying degree of success, but not been a particularly competitive individual, the dynamic of teams has been something that has held a certain level of fascination for me. In fact almost as much fascination as Billie Faiers' pictures in the recent issue of Nuts, a favourite publication of the boys from The Middle Stump. A duo of Graf Zeppelins suddenly springs to mind.
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Miss Faiers |
Anyway, enough of my mid life fantasies and back to the
subject at hand. In my youth as an all-round sports lover I enjoyed a bit of
Formula One, with Didier Pironi (no not the lager), Jacques Laffite, Rene
Arnoux and Alan Jones battling for supremacy and defying death on a regular
basis. Sometime after, as the races became more about the engineering and more
in terms of excitement like watching the Charity Shield than Last Tango in Paris , I switched off
from the thrill of F1.
So it is unusual for an F1 story to catch my attention, as
the much publicised spat between Seb Vettel and Mark Webber did, following the
shenanigans regarding Red Bull team orders at the Malaysian GP in Sepang. Webber, although he did well to retain some veneer of dignity, clearly had the raging
Ivana at his team mate. The Australian clearly IWR (incandescent with rage)
with his Austrian team mate, made some barbed comments and his frustration was
clearly stoked up by years of being the perennial bridesmaid to the triple
world champions... Liz Taylor, or in modern day terms, Katie Price.
Contradiction in terms as it may be, motor racing as a team
sport is also very much an individual one. Although less so than F1, cricket
can also be thought of in the same way. As all of us who have played the game
at any type of competitive level know, as a cricketer your mood is usually
dictated to a greater extent by your personal level of success at any
particular time than the fortunes of your team. I certainly remember games now
in the dim and distant where my side had chased down a huge total to win a
crunch league or cup victory but having been out for zip and maybe shelled a
catch or two (a regular occurrence), the zest I put into the post match
celebrations (obviously before the beer set in), was somewhat reduced. As an
example I think back to the short and unfortunately regrettable reign of the
gaffer, Alec Stewart. At the
age of 35 Stewart had succeeded his long term contemporary Michael Atherton at
the helm. I always thought there was an undercurrent of resentment between the
two vastly contrasting characters a bit like Vettel and Webber. Nonetheless
after years in the doldrums at test level, the gaffer led his side to a 2-1
victory over South Africa
to much fanfare. In the deciding test a young and in those days rather chubby
Lancastrian lad by the name of Flintoff made one of his early appearances. He
ended up bagging a pair and I remember him putting on a brave face and 'enjoying' the celebrations as he was expected to. Fast forward six years to
the historic 2005 Ashes triumph and as one of the star performers and teams
leaders, I think it is fair to say he enjoyed the celebrations a little bit
more! Incidentally Flintoff must have been pissed off at least three times
during his test career as he is one of 14 players to have bagged pairs on three
occasions.
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Celebrations in full flow |
In more physically intense, shorter in duration and purely
team orientated sports such as football and both codes of rugby, I think it is
far easier to enjoy yourself during a victory, even if you've had the
sort of nightmare currently being endured by former cabinet minister Chris
Huhne. Like a wet track during early season the now disgraced politician ended
up in bedraggled state as an indirect result of spending too much time under
the covers. However unlike a club level opening batsman during an inclement
April and May his new partner was renowned for spending long periods at the
crease. Like one particular opening batsman I know well the former
statesman turned convicted criminal did enjoy speeding around the M25 on a
regular basis!
Cricket teams are funny looking and behaving creatures. Some
would throw the same accusation at Huhne's ex Mrs. Playing in a side over a
season you spend a huge amount of time together and personalities can often
grate against each other. That is why I think England suffered more in a strictly
playing sense, with the loss of the affable Swanny in New Zealand .
His bonhomie and tomfoolery has no doubt over the years served to oil the
wheels of the England
dressing room. By comparison look at the furore and drama that has surrounded
the dumb slog millionaire during his time in the England fold over the last eight
years. In fact maybe his most famous outburst came after scoring a century
against his native South
Africa at Headingley last summer. When
interviewed post match following the second most famous score of 149 at the
Yorkshire venue, KP exclaimed “its tough being me in that dressing room” and
went on to say that the following test at Lords may be his last.
I remember dressing rooms after glorious victories when some
were jumping for joy and others sat head in hands. I also remember silent
dressing rooms after numerous collapses and annihilations. As someone who, if
not quite valued, but enjoyed team successes rather more than merely individual
ones, I would try to raise spirits. Others, even if they had performed poorly
themselves, would sometimes seize on the opportunity to (in my opinion) make
themselves look bigger by making their team mates look smaller. Looking back however I think I appreciate far
more now that this was probably because I was never as competitive as many
team mates and for the same reason was never as successful individually as they
were. In more individually orientated team sports such as cricket, batsman in
particular often score more highly if they are more selfish in their pursuit of
personal glory, sometime at the expense of team goals.
![]() |
Boycs gets another red inker |
There are many famous anecdotes regarding this subject. In
the 2nd test at Christchurch
in 1978, England
narrowly failed to make New
Zealand follow on. England decided
to go out on day four, throw the bat and try and get 350 ahead leaving a day to
bowl their hosts out. Geoffrey Boycott opened up was about 10 not out after 20
overs. In strides his team mate Mr Botham who gets him halfway down and stops
leading to Boycs being run out by a country (crying about his average) mile and Beefy sniggering behind the umpire. At club level I have seen many a batsman
defying team orders to boost their seasons average with a not out, whilst the
blokes down the other end chuck their wickets away in pursuit of the winning
runs. The club level Boycott of course opens himself up to chants of “boom,
boom, boom, protecting my average” and “recount my average, not out is my only
desire” in the bar post match, but has the last laugh when the end of season
stats are published.
When you strip it down to the basic level, your mate
stealing the glory can be as unpalatable as when back in 1993 you wasted your
evening buying a bird drinks in a nightclub all evening, your pissed up drinking
partner stumbled over and at 1.55am and half an hour later she was on his way back
to her place, whilst you consoled yourself with a Kebab or getting stuck in to
something resembling Chris Huhne's 'man'.
In the fallout of the Vettel v Webber affair, many of the
old quotes have been chucked out such as “show me a good loser and I will show
you a loser” etc. They say every time a friend or colleague does something you
wanted to do: part of you dies, which in a way takes us back my 1993 nightclub
story. But I think my conclusion is that at the elite level of sport, filled
with those stacked with adrenaline and relentless will to win, the desire for
individual success will sometimes outweigh the search for team goals, leaving
team orders conveniently misunderstood or outright ignored.
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