Thursday, 18 July 2013

The Middle Stump guide to Australians

The Aussies are over here to make the English cricket team look good and with them, comes their fans. Here the Middle Stump gives you a guide on how to speak Australian, and being an educational and informative website, we give you every bit of Australian terminology needed to be a cultural ambassador for the UK. Read on and find out when not to use a Durex when chatting up a Sheila...

Down Under

Ace - something that is very good. The opposite of the Australian team performance in India

Bastard - a term of endearment to most Aussies. Douglas Jardine was called one in Australia, and having complained to the dressing room, Bill Woodfull asked his team, "Which one of you bastards called this bastard, a bastard?"

Blue - if a Sheila says to you, "Me and you are going to have a Blue" this has nothing to do with making a pornographic movie. Down Under it means an argument, and probably means you have spent too much time at the cricket instead of completing domestic chores.

Bogan - an Australian of a lower class. Bruce Reid had the classic Bogan mullet hair cut back in the 80's!


Brown Eyed Mullet - whilst swimming in the sea you definitely do NOT want to see one of these swimming in front of you. It is the Australian slang for a turd.

Bugle - nose. Lennie Pascoe had a rather large bugle.

Bundy - Bundaberg Rum. Australia's finest export since Darren Pattinson! Seriously, Dennis Lillee used to sweat pure Bundy out the following morning and credits the Queensland based rum on making him such a fine bowler.

Bush Oyster - nasal mucus. No doubt Dermot Reeve woke up with a few Bush Oyster's up his bugle after a heavy night out.

Captain Cook - nothing to do with the bloke who is going to win the Ashes both home and away this year, but the founder of modern Australia. It can also mean going for a look.

The real Captain Cook

Culture - something that is in yoghurt.

Dob - to grass someone up. Graeme Smith tried to dob Michael Vaughan to a match referee a few years back.

Durex - if a Sheila asks you for some Durex on no account think you are going to root her. Durex was a brand of sellotape in Australia.

Esky - as much a part of Australian cricket as Don Bradman. A cool box for keeping your tinnies cold.

Fair Dinkum - Brad Haddin's response when Aleem Dar reversed his decision in the First Test at Trent Bridge. NOT Brad Haddin's response when Stuart Broad was given not out!

Homework - Every Australian cricketer knows how to do his homework. An integral reason to get into the Australian cricket side under Mickey Arthur.

Larrikin - someone who is always enjoying himself. Think Derek Randall in the 1977 Centenary Test.


Mapatassie - if a Sheila doesn't shave or wax Down Under she will have a Mapatassie. Have a look at the shape of Tasmania at the top of this page, and you will see what I mean.

Mongrel - a despicable person. Often now referred to as a Stuart Broad. Or a Mickey Arthur.

Not the full dollar - someone not very bright. Lennie Pascoe was not the full dollar! It'll be interesting to see how much of a full dollar Michael Clarke is, as he gets his head around the referral system?

Pig's Arse - translated as I don't agree with you. Think Wayne Phillips when he was out off Allan Lamb's boot in 1985 or Ricky Ponting to the umpires in the last Ashes.

Piss - beer

Pommy Bastard - us.

Rack Off - nothing to do with ex Aussie bowler Carl Rackemann but a phrase along the lines of "Go Away". Glenn McGrath would no doubt have told Sarwan to Rack Off.

Rack Off

Root Rat - someone always looking for sex. David Gower in the early 80's was a root rat as was Shane Warne a few years back.

Shit House (adj.) - of poor quality or unenjoyable. The Australian performance in India, in the rugby against the British Lions or the last Ashes series would be described as 'shit house'. The DRS is also 'shit house' in the eyes of most Antipodeans.

Shit House (noun) - a toilet or a lavatory. Otherwise known as a dunny.

Spunk - a good looking person. Nothing to do with what is going to emit from my body when we win the Ashes!

Strewth - a collective term pronounced from Perth to Brisbane when Aleem Dar didn't raise his finger against Stuart Broad.

Tinnie - a beer.

Walking - something that Stuart Broad isn't very good at, although when in Rome you do what the Romans do. An Australian only ever walks when his car runs out of petrol.

Yabber - talk. The Aussie side of the 90's used to yabber a lot. Especially Justin Langer.

Keeping wasn't worth a zack in the 85-86 series

Zack - as in "it isn't worth a zack". As in the keeping of Tim Zoehrer back in the 1980's or Steve Smith's leg spin!

So there you have it. Try a few of these out when you meet an Australian, and in no way are the Middle Stump liable should you get into a 'blue' and get a right good hiding.


  1. Hey mate you forgot "Travellers" not some who travels alot but infact a term used when riding in a car and drinking your beers they are refered to as Travellers lol. I am sure you remember me using that on many occasions.

  2. I most certainly do Ty! On the way back from Redbourn once I believe we had more than just a "traveller" and it was more a full blown case for the 40 minute journey back to North London! Happy days...

  3. I think Steve Smith's leggies proved to be worth a zack or two today!

  4. Lots of aussies in my office giving it large during the ashes tests. Very amusing as I am glad they are making it a close contest. Always lots of giggles re mullets and wife beater vests - top aussie fashion even today. Keep up the banter please.