The Springing Kangaroo

I hear that Andy Coulson is a big cricket fan. After all, during their face off regarding his alleged affair with the editor of The Spectator, David Blunkett, the philandering former Home Secretary struggled to pick the spin doctors googlies and grubbed around trying to visualise the source of his information. So when the now disgraced former tabloid editor first listened to the voicemail left on Michael Carberry's mobile, by the England selectors, informing him of his call up for the Ashes tour, what did he think?

Carbs

Did he see the journeyman opener’s call up a source of a back page headline? With his ability to gather information, the former PR consultant to our current crop of political elite may well even have known of Carbs’ inclusion before that. After all, as revealed during the opening of the ongoing trial at the laws equivalent to Lords, he has form for improperly entering numerous personal devices. In fact he was found to be enjoying the pleasures of a wet track whilst playing away. Despite the charges he faces I hear he enjoys being surrounded by Old Etonians all day for months on end.

Coming back to Carberry's selection, whilst not being totally surprised, I like most others saw him as a versatile reserve batsman for the test series and first choice for the one day stuff.

However, Carberry’s form in the first two warm up fixtures demonstrate both the wisdom of the call up and England’s return to the common sense approach of having a meaningful warm up to the competitive stuff rather than dropping in and effectively giving up the first test.

Goochie's reaction to reading your average Middle Stump article

Having watched Carberry quite a lot in one day games over the last few years I find his set up and style intriguing. His crouched stance is the polar opposite of the preferred baseball style of yesteryear utilised by the likes of Hick and Gooch. He stays low but the power in his legs means that when faced with the short ball he is able to spring up quickly and effectively, not unlike a kangaroo, to employ his favoured pull and cut shots.

I am also interested in the way he employs his hands whilst batting: keeping them close into his body and forcing them through the ball gaining maximum power and purchase. This style and set up make him an ideal candidate for the opener’s berth in Australian conditions.

Maybe the Australian seamers will ask Rolf Harris for some tips on how to tie the kangaroo down. Although the advice received may have wider implications as recent events now reveal it wasn't only a kangaroo that the formerly revered artist and general entertainer was tying down!

Another bonus of Carberry opening is that it releases Joe Root back to fill the problematic number six slot. This move for Root would remove the risk of Gary Ballance being thrust into the fray as Englands selectors appear to have fallen out of love with Jonny Bairstow, as they have Nick Compton and James Taylor.

Coulson with Ryan Sidebottom

I personally feel some sympathy for Compton given that he was basically displaced to accommodate Root moving up to the opening spot he fills for Yorkshire. On the bowling front I think England will go for Chris Tremlett over the other two high towers, Finn and Rankin, although given his strike rate at Test level I feel Finn is somewhat hard done by.

Carberry’s inclusion may also stop Warnie’s current torrent of England abuse, as the Hampshire opener is described as being great friends with his former skipper. I also see Warne has become slightly more human and less alien like since his alleged split from the pneumatic Liz Hurley. Maybe like one of the most vociferous and well known victims of phone hacking, fellow Hurley ex fiancées Hugh Grant, Warnie will seek solace of a divine nature. He does have form for that kind of thing as well as bothering young ladies with unwanted advances. 

My advice for Warnie would be to ensure he changes the factory set password on his mobile.